Something pretty terrible recently happened to my extended family, so I am in the neighbourhood looking for a brand new house. Unfortunately there are no houses available on the market at the moment but as something pretty terrible happened to me so I’m desperate. Thankfully, I have an ancient scripture, passed down to me by my ancestors, which dictates that your house is actually my sacred holy land. You and the wider community are forbidden from questioning the authenticity of my script on the grounds that it would be perceived as an moral attack on me and my extended family.
The estate agent isn’t particularly forthcoming with getting us your house so I decide to start bombing their office and killing their staff in an attempt to get them to move a bit faster, all of which is justified by said Holy Scripture. Finally with the estate agent being now a bit more placating to my needs, we work together to take your house and divide it up so that I can have my fair share of what I believe is rightfully mine. We’ll let you keep the downstairs bedroom and you can use the garden as a toilet facility though so all is well.
The neighbours are of course understandably outraged at this decision so they attempt to remove me by force. Thankfully I have enough weaponry such that I can successfully repel them and I even manage to take some of their land in the process as I am seemingly unstoppable. I will eventually give it back thanks to the coercion of a powerful friend that I have the complete support of.
My very powerful friend is a police officer with an overburdening sense of self-righteousness. He happens to have a growing contempt towards our neighbours due to many conflicting ideologies and a profound interest in resources available in the neighbourhood. He provides me with even more weaponry and financial support such that I am even better prepared at defending myself against any further “insurrection”. In time he will even begin to bribe some of my neighbours who would rather have an easy life. It will coincidentally convince them of the legitimacy of my position and entitlement to your house, despite how wrong they may know it is.
I begin to realise that I am in a position of power, so I decide that the downstairs bedroom is probably too good for you. I force you and your children to live in a kennel in the garden knowing full well that you have nowhere else to live. I am alarmed when you feel this is unfair and even further alarmed that you would seek to right this very clear wrong through none peaceful means. You begin to throw rocks at the house which I now occupy. The rocks do an inconsequential amount of damage but I take it as an excuse to fire-bomb your kennel anyway. It doesn’t matter if I kill your children, after all; they’re yours – not mine and besides; you threw rocks at my new house.
The wider community is now looking on and taking note that I am forcing you to live in a kennel. They tell me that I should maybe not force you to live in a kennel but I am able to keep reminding them that a long time ago something pretty terrible happened to me and my extended family. The guilt over this event stops anyone from stepping in and intervening; besides, my powerful police officer friend successfully keeps everyone in check with bribes and the façade of being a friend to everyone. Most of my neighbours have now all been successfully replaced by vicious criminals who keep their houses in check by brute force and intimidation. Legitimacy doesn’t matter anymore, so long as my powerful friend keeps them on the payroll they shall forever turn a blind eye to your plight.
My children have even less respect for your kennel than I do. They will occasionally decide that even the kennel is too much for you, move their toys into it touting the holy scripture in the process of doing so. I do not my police my children. They are allowed to do whatever they want, however; be warned – if you try and stop my children from further advancing into your kennel then I will remove your children from the property all together or even worse; kill them.
Every time you resent your situation and resort to violence (the only channel you have left given that I have persistently ignored any attempt at negotiation) I retaliate in the hundredfold. The rocks that you throw at my house are successfully shielded by the concrete walls and reinforced windows I have fitted, but I know full well that every single time you retaliate I get an opportunity to further take something from you. The reality of the situation is that by now; I just want you out of my garden all together.
The irony of the situation is, the same terrible set of events that beset me and my extended family – I am now imposing on you in your kennel that I have reduced you too. If you haven’t yet guessed, the house now belongs to me and soon the kennel will too.
Adam Barrett
