So by mercy from Allah, [O Muhammad], you were lenient with them. And if you had been rude [in speech] and harsh in heart, they would have disbanded from about you. So pardon them and ask forgiveness for them and consult them in the matter. And when you have decided, then rely upon Allah. Indeed, Allah loves those who rely [upon Him]. ( Holy Quran 3: 159).”
Forgiveness is at the heart of so many spiritual and ethical traditions. But, it can be one of the most difficult teachings to live up to. Forgiveness requires an extraordinary struggle against the injured ego. And, the bigger the hurt, the more difficult it is to forgive. Ultimately, though, there is nothing like forgiveness that can set a person free and to put a mind at rest. In the Islamic tradition, teachings on forgiveness are intimately connected to and rooted in a deeper theological understanding of God and of the relationship between God and the human being. The foremost attributes of God – which open up every chapter of the Qur’an – are the merciful (al-rahman) and the compassionate (al-raheem). And, one of the most celebrated names of God in the Qur’an is the forgiving (al-ghafur). There are several other divine attributes that are similar. The way in which this relates to the human being is two-fold:
First, at the heart of Islamic spirituality is this idea that we have a share, no matter how small in comparison to God, of divine attributes by virtue of the life-giving and divinely originating soul (ruh) that is breathed into us by the angels when we are still fetuses in our mother’s wombs. It is, then, our spiritual task to cultivate and grow these beautiful attributes within our soul and character in order to draw closer to the divine. Forgiveness is an opportunity to adorn our souls with Godliness. And, the more difficult it is to forgive, the greater and more beautiful the adornment. As such, one of the motivations to forgive is to draw closer to God’s attributes. Forgiveness should be seen as an opportunity – a chance at experiencing and achieving a nearness to God that is indescribable in its beauty and tranquility. This is why the Qur’an describes those who are deeply aware of God as “when they are angered they forgive” (Q42:37) and “when they are prompted by the ignorant they respond with words of peace” (Q25:63).
Second, there’s a deep sense that the way we treat others is the way that we will be treated by God. In other words, if we wish for God’s gentle treatment towards us then we must be gentle toward others. This teaching is reflected in what is referred to as the foundational Prophetic teaching – meaning that the first saying attributed from the Prophet (hadith) that a teacher of hadith imparts to his or her student – which states: “Show mercy towards those on earth and the One above the heavens will show mercy toward you.” This is, furthermore, a reflection of the Qur’anic advice: “And let not those who possess dignity and ease among you swear not to give to the near of kin and the needy, and to fugitives for the cause of God. Let them forgive and show indulgence. Do you not understand that God forgives? God is forgiving, merciful.”(Q24:22). The allusion to God as “forgiver” occurs at 125 places in the Qur’an and is invariably followed by mention of His attribute of “compassion”.
The Prophet always repelled evil with the good of forgiveness and kind behavior for, in his view, an antidote was better than poison. He believed and practiced the precept that love could foil hatred, and aggression could be won over by forgiveness. He overcame the ignorance of the people with the knowledge of Islam, and the folly and evil of the people with his kind and forgiving treatment. With his forgiveness, he freed people from the bondage of sin and crime, and also made them great friends of Islam.
Despite all the provocations of evil-doers and his own fellow tribesmen’s objections, the Prophet made agreements with his crucial adversaries and fulfilled peaceful commitments with them. The Prophet tried his best to take advantage of every single opportunity to get in touch with any of them. After his immigration to Madinah, the economic and social conditions of Makkah had gradually deteriorated. The Makkans were suffering from drought, famine, hunger, and misery. For sure, the Prophet could not have remained indifferent to this heart-rending situation. He sent them food and other needed aid; he literally inundated them with an immense benevolent contribution on the back of hundreds of camels. But, unfortunately the Makkans rejected all of it. Then he sent all the aid directly to Abu Sufyan who distributed it to the poor and needy Makkans.
During his lifetime, the Prophet (SAW) endured insults and ridicule on a daily basis. His opponents mocked his message and used physical violence to stop him from challenging the status quo. At no stage during this ordeal did the prophet lose his temper or react to these provocations.
If we can find a way to live inside of a deep gratitude for our own undeserved grace and mercy past hurts have very little power to cause us pain in any lasting way. They are not worth our time or energy. They are mere sludge and dredge in the great school and journey of life. The gratuitous surrendering of hurts (“forgiveness”)the refusal to make them our identity is almost the heart of the matter. If you do not transform your pain you will with transmit it to others.
When we stand before the Almighty, hands stretched out towards the heavens, our eyes squeezed shut as we beg for forgiveness, what do we ask for? What kind of forgiveness do we ask for? We want a complete blank sheet, don’t we? We want another chance. We want our mountains of crimes to be erased, right? We want Him to accept our repentance and let us start again. We don’t want to be reminded of it, or be taunted about it later on, or have it come back to haunt us. We want our sins to be forgiven here and veiled on that day. That is the true spirit of forgiveness.
